Married With Children
by SolaireMomo
Summary: Sonic  and co. are married with children! How's life now that they're married? Well, if you're not careful, it can be HELL.... COMPLETE...
1. Too Early For The Talk

**A/N: My second fan fic WOOOOOO! XD does the chicken dance Just so you know, you're going to see some OOCness… but it won't be too out of order. This one is short too, but it's better than my last one, THAT'S for sure! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own SHIT in this fan fic.**

Married…With Children 

10 years….

It's been that long….

Barely anything has changed within the lives of Sonic and his friends. They're still saving Station Square, they're still fighting Eggman, they're still eating breakfast, and they still have children.

Er, pardon that last part, A LOT has changed! Sonic and co. found love in one another, and are now married with children, saving Station Square, and they're still eating breakfast. Why? Because toast rules. Mmm, toast…

Why don't we check out what's going on with the furry couples?

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"SONIC!!!!"

Sonic nearly fell out of his sofa when a piercing cry tore through the apartment walls. "I'm coming Amy!!!" He ran upstairs to find a rather angry Amy Rose. Amy was giving the azure hedgehog an icy glare as he stood at the door.

"What is the meaning of _this_????" she roared, pointing at the computer monitor. There were sexy pictures of Amy in various lingerie, and other pictures of Amy in silly poses. Sonic blinked, he remembered those pictures--he had taken those on their honeymoon.

However, he failed to tell her he put them on Photobucket.

"Eh, well…" Sonic started. "I was browsing through Photobucket until I found THESE!!!! What do you have to say for publicly humiliating me on the Internet???" Sonic laughed nervously. '_Need to come up with something, quick!_' he thought. He slowly walked over to Amy to explain when he had an idea.

Sonic lowered his eyelids, looking as deviously seductive as he possibly could. "Well Ames… I wanted other people to see the hottest woman they'll NEVER get…" Amy, who was always tricked with things like this, squealed. "YOU DID??? OH SONIC, YOU'RE SO GENEROUS!!!!" She ran over to him and kissed him.

Sonic's cunning lie had worked, and now he was ready to get what he _really _wanted…

As they kissed passionately, Sonic picked her up and started to walk toward the bed. He laid her atop the mattress, which was covered with frilly pink and blue soft quilts. He positioned himself on top of her and began to kiss her again.

The couple were enjoying themselves when suddenly…

"EWWWW MOMMY! DADDY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

Sonic and Amy looked at the door to find their 5 year old son Turbo the Hedgehog gaping at them in pure horror and disgust. His usually bright pink striped sky blue quills lost their luster. His emerald eyes lost the joy and happiness it once contained and were now reduced to small dot-like pupils of terror.

Sonic immediately got off of Amy and looked to the side whistling nervously. Amy sat up and laughed nervously. "Er, we were just…"

Turbo began to cry. "I can't bewieve you were attacking Mommy like that, Daddy!!!' he cried, sniffling. Sonic sighed. '_Now what?_'

Sonic walked over to Turbo and bent down to look him in the eye. "I would never attack your mother, son…. We were….play wrestling! Yeah, just, play wrestling…"

Turbo blinked the remaining tears out. "Reawy? Well, you sure are good pway westlers!" he said, beaming a smile that revealed crooked teeth. Sonic blushed in embarrassment. "Erm yeah…"

Turbo then asked, "Can I watch you two westle again?" Sonic's eyes widened. "I don't think…. that would be…. required…" he said. Turbo smiled again. "OK!" He ran downstairs to go outside and play.

Sonic turned around to a glaring Amy. "What's wrong Ames?" Amy looked furious. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT TO CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND YOU, YOU **DUMBASS**!!!" she screamed. Sonic sweat dropped. "Ehhhh…."

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The next day at Turbo's elementary school, it was Career Day, where the tiny kindergarteners would bring their parents to discuss their jobs. When it was time for Turbo to go up, his smile was so large, sunlight could reflect off of his crooked teeth. Indeed a cute sight, but Sonic wanted to get this over with. All the other students stared in awe as the famous Sonic the Hedgehog walked up to the front with Turbo. Amy stood on the sidelines, watching her husband and son go up there. She smiled proudly.

"This is my daddy, Sonic the Hedgehog!!!!" Turbo proudly announced. The cheers from the kindergarten audience influenced Sonic as he gave his trademark smile and thumbs up. "He's the world's greatest hewo!! He beat up all the baddest bad guys and save the world a bunch of times!" Sonic's smile grew larger; he was starting to like this.

However, at that moment, all would go as fast as it came.

"When my dad isn't saving the world, he's pway westling with my mom in bed!" he added. Sonic's eyes grew wide. The kindergarten teacher gasped. Amy looked as if she was about to explode with anger. Sonic knew he was going to get a tongue lashing when they got home…..

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In another part of Station Square, Shadow was reading a magazine. He found Playboy rather intriguing. The voluptuous curves of the women inside were tantalizing to the eyes, and they also reminded him of a certain white bat.

That certain white bat being, Rouge, his lovely wife.

"Hey Dad, what're you reading?"

Shadow looked up to see his 8 year old son, Shade, looking at him with curious aqua green eyes. Shadow closed his eyes and smirked. "A magazine that's not meant for your eyes, that's what." Shade cocked his head to the side in thought, his black zigzag striped white quills bobbing slightly. "Ya mean the magazines about….sex?"

Shadow's eyes widened as he stared at his son. Then they narrowed a bit. "Where….did you learn this word?"

Shade looked up in thought, trying to remember. Then he looked back at Shadow and answered, "I found a book on it laying on the floor yesterday after you left for a while!"

Shadow's eyes closed shut and he shook his head. He rushed out of the house yesterday, and he forgot to hide the damn book…. '_SHIT…_' he thought miserably. "Erm…." he began.

"Dad, what is sex anyway?" Shade asked. Shadow stared at him blankly. He was speechless. The ultimate life form explaining the meaning of sexual intercourse to his 8 year old son? Rouge would certainly be unhappy about that…

"Shade, I can't tell you that until you're older…."

Shade frowned. "Awww, that blows!" He left and went into the kitchen. Shadow sighed in relief and continued to look at his magazine.

A few minutes after Shade left…..

"_**SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!!!!!**_"

Shadow instantly stood up and ran to the kitchen. There stood a curious looking Shade and an angry Rouge. Shadow knew EXACTLY what happened. Rouge then pleasantly smiled at Shade. "Honey, I need to speak to your father for a minute. Why don't you go upstairs and watch TV?"

Shade frowned at his mother. "But I don't wanna!" Wrong answer.

Rouge's eyes suddenly became fire. "I SAID GO UPSTAIRS!!! **NOW!!!!**" she screamed. Shade ran upstairs at the speed of light. When the slamming of a door was heard, Rouge grabbed Shadow by his white chest fur. "What the **HELL** are you doing LETTING HIM READ MAGAZINES ABOUT THAT KIND OF SHIT!?!?!" she growled.

Shadow, even though he was in the vice grip of his deadly wife, still regained his calm and cool composure. "Well…. He found a magazine, and he read it. That's that."

Rouge became more angered. She took her free hand and slapped the dog shit out of Shadow. The slap had knocked Shadow into the wall. "DAMN, WOMAN!!!!" Shadow yelled. This wasn't the first time he received one of Rouge's death slaps, but sometimes they feel harder than the last!

"YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE MAGAZINES LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!!!!" she roared. Shadow slowly stood up, a hand on his cheek where he had been slapped. Rouge began to approach him, angrily. "WHAT KIND OF FATHER WOULD-oomph!"

Shadow cut her off mid-sentence with a passionate kiss. Rouge was blown away by it and therefore fell into the trap. There was a loud _THUD _as they hit the ground. Shade was still upstairs. He was sitting at the top of the stairs, watching what began to unfold. His eyes widened as what was kissing became something more.

After a while, Rouge was fixing her clothing, making sure nothing was out of place. "Wow, now THAT was amazing!" She glanced at Shadow with a devious smile. "You wild _animal_…."

"Is THAT what sex is? GROSS!!!"

Shadow and Rouge looked down at Shade and their jaws dropped. "All I wanted to do was eavesdrop on your argument, and THAT happened! Yuck!"

Shade, of course, realized that he had told on himself and chuckled nervously at the death glares he received from his parents.

"I'm grounded, aren't I?"

"Damn straight."

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Wow, doesn't look like our fellow heroes are handling their married life too well, or teaching their children right either… Oh well, when you're not careful, accidents happen, right? I would tell you about Knuckles, but he's married to the Master Emerald, and something's going on between those two that I'd rather not reveal… Erm, yeah….

FIN

**I'm perverted, right? **

**If I get good reviews with this, I'll make another one, if you'd like! **

**Leave a review! No flames or else I cook my dinner with them! Yum….**


	2. Women of Wrath

**A/N: Next CHAPPIE!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic. Sadly, if I did, Sonic would be wearing a wig and claiming he's the real Madonna. **

Married…With Children

Ah, I see your curiosity has compelled you to come back for more, eh?

Now, let's invade on the lives of the other happily married furry couples….

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Tails sat on the sofa. In his arms was a beautiful baby kitsune, Tangerine the Fox. Her hazel brown eyes glinted in the light, and her light orange fur glistened with glee as she giggled nonstop. Tails smiled. He looked to the kitchen door to see Cream walking in to check on her two beloveds. She took her hand and brushed her long orange bang that hung over her left eye.

"I swear, she's soooo adorable…" Tails cooed. The transformation in Tails' voice and appearance was quite overwhelming. Tails had a rather deep voice, fitting for an 18 year old. He was quite the gentlemen as well, and his three long bangs had grown a bit. But nonetheless, he was still Tails, the intelligent fox who was always there to help out.

"Yes, she is…" Cream replied cheerfully. Cream almost rivaled Vanilla in terms of looks; she had definitely gone through a great transformation herself. She has a long, orange bang that covers one side of her face, a long, crimson dress that goes to her knees, and she had crimson eye shadow on. She certainly looked beautiful nowadays.

Tangerine looked as if she was preparing to say her first word. Tails' eyes went wide and Cream's mouth was ajar in joy and shock. This was surely a moment to be remembered!

"Come on, say it…" Tails begged. At last, Tangerine said her first word.

"Ass!"

Tails' eyes had widened in shock at the word his daughter had said. She returned his look of shock with a fit of giggles. Tails slowly looked back at Cream to find that the rabbit was indeed angry.

If you don't call a rabbit that looks as if she's about to turn into a Super Saiyan 3000 angry then obviously you have no clue what angry means.

"MILES TAILS PROWER WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?" Cream hollered. Tails laughed nervously. It didn't help that a few days ago, he had invited Sonic and Knuckles over to play a Halo 3 death tournament, and they had been rather careless with their choice of words. To top it all off, Cream had to run errands, therefore, Tangerine had to be in the same room with them until she was ready to go to sleep.

"Well, I don't know how it happened…. But it's, erm, quite a shocker! Eh heh…" Tails lied. Cream zipped over to Tails and grabbed him by his collar. With this action the baby fell on the floor and began crying. "YOU LIAR!!!! I KNOW YOU DID SOMETHING, **I JUST KNOW!!!!**"

"Cream, be careful! You made me drop-"

"YOU LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKING MISTER!!! NOW TELL THE DAMN TRUTH!!!"

Tails had NEVER faced this side of Cream before. Cream never cursed or yelled; she was just as polite as her mother!

"Well, when you left, me and the guys started playing Halo 3 and, well…."

Cream tossed Tails to the floor and picked up the crying Tangerine. Tangerine then smiled at her mother and began to say, "Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!"

Cream shut her eyes to try to control her anger. "Tails….You should've known that…was a VERY….stupid thing to do…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry…" Tails apologized sheepishly as he stood back up. Cream laid

Tangerine on the sofa and motioned for Tails to follow her to the kitchen. Tails gulped, and did so.

As there was screams of agony coming from the kitchen, along with mindless cursing, and the clunks and bangs of various kitchenware being demolished or used as a weapon, Tangerine sat on the couch, saying "Ass!" through the whole thing.

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"Hey Mom! Look at what I can do!"

A small gray kitten of 4 years happily used her mind to levitate a vase of flowers that sat on a table in front of Blaze. Blaze smiled warmly. "Aww, how cute! You take after your father."

A violet hedgehog made her way downstairs and stood at the door to see her sister mastering the art of telekinesis. The violet hedgehog looked about 7 years old, her grey zebra-striped quills adorned in a ponytail. "Ah, that's nothing, Sylvia! Look at THIS!"

The hedgehog snapped her fingers and set the flowers aflame. Blaze glared at the hedgehog. "PYRO! Stop being mean!" she scolded. Sylvia glared at her older sister while Pyro gave a devious smile. Silver came in from the kitchen. "Hey kids! Hi honey!" Silver walked over to his lovely wife and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Blaze chuckled. "Sylvia learned to use telekinesis."

Silver's golden eyes lit up. "Really? That's great!" He went over to Sylvia and gave her a hug. Sylvia giggled. Pyro rolled her eyes at the attention she was getting. "Fuck this, I'm gone." she grumbled as she turned to leave.

At that moment Blaze stood up and ran in front of her daughter. "What did you just say, young lady?" she demanded. Pyro smiled evilly; she's finally in the spotlight…

"I. SAID. **FUCK**. THIS." Pyro repeated slowly, her lips curved in a devious smile. Blaze put her hands on her hips and lowered her eyelids. "Where did you learn this word from?"

Pyro looked at Silver. "If Dad said it, I thought maybe I could too."

Silver chuckled nervously. Sylvia looked up at Silver with curiosity. "Daddy, can I say 'fuck' too? It's a cool word! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

"**SILVER!**"

Silver jumped at the scream of rage and chuckled nervously. "Blaze, I can explain…" Blaze threw a fireball his way, and Silver dodged it by ducking. "Blaze, please-AAAGH!!!" Silver was suddenly set on fire.

"When exactly did you hear this word, Pyro?" Pyro looked back at Silver and then at Blaze. "When Dad took me with him to go run errands. He was on the phone saying, 'FUCK YOU SONIC, FUCK YOU!!!'"

Silver sweat dropped; he remembered that. Sonic had made him a bit angry at the time, and he didn't control his language…

Blaze gave Silver a burning glare that seared right through him. Silver shivered. "Silver… Come with me for a minute…" Silver's eyes lit with fear. "But, but Blaze-"

"**NOW.**" she growled, flames surrounding the area. Silver gulped. It's not a good thing when Blaze is pissed the hell off. Silver followed her outside.

A few minutes later an explosion was heard. Sylvia screamed and Pyro laughed. Blaze walked back in without Silver. She went to the phone and called the Chaotix Medical Center.

Vector answered the phone. "Why, hello there! This is the Chaotix Medical Center, Vector speaking!"

"Yes, Vex? It's Blaze. I had a little….problem and now you need to send an ambulance to come get Silver…"

Vector grimaced. He knew what kind of woman Blaze was, and he felt sorry for Silver. '_Poor guy…_' he thought. "Okay… we're on our way…"

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Whoa. Talk about women of wrath!

It seems these couples aren't doing too well either… Oh yeah, about Knuckles, he told me to tell you that the Master Emerald is pregnant with their first baby and he wants you to come see the bearing of the new born.

If I were you, going would not be a wise choice….

FIN

**Not as good as the first chappie, but meh, my opinion. **

**I'll take couple suggestions for a new chappie! **

**No flames or else you know the drill.**


	3. Lurve and HAM SAMMICHES

**A/N: Third and last CHAPPIE!!**

Married…With Children

Hello, you all. Good thing you came back for more…

Now, let's go check out some more…

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Knuckles was sitting on the steps of the Master Emerald shrine, cuddling a….tiny emerald with red dreadlocks!?!

"Aren't you just the cutest?" Knuckles cooed. "I think I'll call you… Knickles."

Suddenly Tikal jumped out of the Master Emerald (no, she _literally jumped_ out of the Master Emerald…). "KNUCKLES WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!!?!" she screamed shrilly. Knuckles turned around and smiled at her joyously. "Why the Master Emerald and I have a newborn baby."

Tikal blinked. She looked at the Master Emerald, which was glowing radiantly to show happiness. She sighed. She looked back at Knuckles with miserable eyes. "But…I loved you first…" she murmured.

"Huh?" Knuckles asked, not comprehending her words. Tikal's miserable gaze now blazed with anger. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD CHOOSE A FUCKING EMERALD OVER A GIRL!!!" she hollered.

Knuckles' face suddenly went stern. "Tikal…It is my duty to protect the Master Emerald… And I thought by our marriage my duty may become even easier…"

'Easier' meaning that thieves who once tried to pursue the Master Emerald ran away from the sight of Knuckles making out with it…

"That…is the dumbest idea I've EVER heard…" Tikal replied. Knuckles put down the mini emerald and walked up to Tikal. He had a seductive look on his face. Tikal's eyes went wide and her cheeks flushed in a shade of bright crimson. Knuckles grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer. Tikal's eyes shut. "Kn-Knuckles!?!"

"Y'know Tikal…" Knuckles whispered, closing in on her face. "There's room for you in my heart too…" He kissed Tikal and she accepted it happily. Tikal wrapped her arms around his neck and Knuckles moved his hands down to her waist. From what seemed to be a regular kiss escalated into a rather passionate one that lasted for 5 minutes before they broke away from each other, breathing heavily.

Tikal licked her lips, smiling deviously. "Nothing but me, you, and this island baby, LET'S GO!" She jumped on Knuckles and they rolled down the stairs of the altar, kissing hungrily. The mini emerald blinked wildly to signify that it was crying.

A white shirt, shoes, sandals, a dress, and gloves flew on top of the mini emerald as it blinked continuously.

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A 3 year old green swallow with green stripes on his feathers played with his favorite little green race car on the floor gleefully. He moved it back and forth at an erratic speed, giggling with joy.

Wave the Swallow sat on the couch. She watched television as she puffed on a cigarette. Her eyes looked weary and dry, almost lifeless. She took the cigarette from her beak and dumped the ashes in a tray on the table in front of her. She grabbed a full bottle of beer sitting next to the tray and dosed half of it down.

The doorbell rang. Wave rolled her eyes dully. "Stupid motherfucking DOOR…." she murmured, her words slurring together mindlessly. She got up rather clumsily and proceeded to the door, walking dumbly.

She opened it and squinted at the hawk before her. "Oh… hey Jet…" she mumbled. Jet sighed. "Wave, what did I tell you about getting drunk when I'm gone!?! How's Rocket doing?"

Wave stepped back, almost tripping, to let Jet enter. "Who the fuck CARES… I want a ham sammich…" Jet turned around to Wave angrily just to see her on the floor wiggling and laughing. "HAM SAMMICHES." she heaved through drunk laughter. Jet groaned and rolled his eyes. He walked over to Rocket and bent down to meet his eye level. "Hey champ!" he greeted, giving Rocket a small noogie. Rocket beamed his father a wide smile. "One day, I wanna ride Extweme Gear like you, daddy!" he squealed. Jet smiled warmly and embraced him. "Don't worry, I bet you will one day."

"SQWAUK!!!" Wave exclaimed, flapping her arms and running around the house like a psycho. Jet let go of Rocket and stood up, glaring at Wave furiously. "FUCKING RETARD!" he hollered. Wave stopped and glanced at Jet. She seemed aggravated. "Yer MOM…" she grumbled, pointing aimlessly at the ceiling before she fell. Jet walked over to his wife and stood above her as she laid on the floor cackling mindlessly.

Jet smacked his forehead. "You're so…FUCKING…stupid…"

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The next day, Jet and Wave rode on their Extreme Gear, Type J and Type W, to SS Mart. Rocket was on Jet's back, beaming his cute bright smile. They made it and hopped off their Gear. They all went into the mart and began to walk around. A female phoenix whistled when Jet walked past her. Wave stopped in her tracks and turned to the phoenix with a death glare.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing…?" she growled. The phoenix gave her the finger, and Wave got REAL pissed. She ran up to the counter and grabbed the cash register. In the meanwhile Jet and Rocket were searching the isles to find something suitable for dinner tonight. "So, champ what wou-"

_CRASH!_

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!" Jet exclaimed. Rocket hugged his leg in fear. Jet suddenly noticed that Wave was gone and mentally sweat dropped. "Oh damn…" Back over with Wave, she was beating the feathers off of the phoenix with the cash register while screaming profanity. Not too far off, a frightened bystander took out their cell phone and dialed in three digits…

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Wave opened her eyes at the sound of something being unlocked. Suddenly her cell slid open. "You're free to go ma'am."

Wave got up happily and ran over to her family. The guard closed the cell behind her. "Your husband bailed you out." Wave hugged Jet and he returned it sarcastically. "Yeah, yeah, just don't do bitchy shit like that anymore… You're enough trouble at home already…"

Wave kissed her husband on the cheek. She let go of him and picked up Rocket. Rocket smiled at her and she embraced him as well. On the way home, things were going well until Rocket asked a question…

"Mom? Dad? Where do babies come from?"

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And as this tale closes, be sure to check back for a sequel…

Where the curious off spring get all grown up….

I'm glad you stayed for this short, wild ride. See you in the sequel….

Until then, go eat some ham sammiches…

**Yeah, I ran out of ideas for a continuation. But in the sequel, I'll have more. The sequel will have Turbo and friends older and more mature, the age group I handle best. The Knuxikal bit was for a friend of mine. **

**This was shorter than the last two, I know. That just TELLS you I ran out of ideas. O.O**

**Until then, look out for the sequel! See ya peeps! I hope you enjoyed the story!**


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